良配

我曾經對伴侶有著憧憬與幻想,滿心期盼著那還未出現的人長得如何長髮飄逸、怎麼個溫柔婉約、身材如何的噴火…這些甚至能細節到拼湊成一個理型,但同時心裡也冒出一陣心虛:「即使有這樣完美條件的人,她會愛上我嗎?」

萬一不是所有條件都能符合的時候,哪個條件該排前一點?哪個可以放後面一點?我還真試著去計算衡量過。

不過當時卻沒想過:即使是遇上個村上春樹說的那種100%符合我想像中的女孩,那就一定能快樂地相伴餘生嗎?

剛看完電影《Juno》,片中女主角Juno從事空調修理的爸爸,在Juno懷疑夫妻間的愛為何有的會變質時問他:「兩個人在一起有可能會永遠快樂嗎?」,Juno的爸爸是這麼回答的:

Look, in my opinion, the best thing you can do is find a person who loves you for exactly what you are. Good mood, bad mood, ugly, pretty, handsome, what have you, the right person is still going to think the sun shines out your ass. That’s the kind of person that’s worth sticking with.

我的看法是這樣的:你最好去找個愛著不管是怎麼樣的妳的人。不管妳是心情好、心情差、看起來醜、看起來漂亮、看起來帥氣…不管妳是怎麼樣的,那個對的人總會一直在妳的身上看見燦爛的陽光。那種人就是值得妳伴隨一輩子的。

如果在十幾二十年前,我想我如果聽到並採納Juno爸爸的建議,我也只會把它放在條件排序的第三或第四位吧。如今呢?它在整個排序的最頂上的位置,在我終於明白以後。

(P.S. 劇中的Juno,不盲從、有自己的想法、勇敢果斷、長得乾乾淨淨的,是我的菜。)

《Juno》那個開場充滿愛爾蘭民謠風的歌我還蠻喜歡的,介紹給大家:

《All I Want Is You》

If I was a flower growing wild and free
All I’d want is you to be my sweet honey bee.
And if I was a tree growing tall and green
All I’d want is you to shade me and be my leaves

If I was a flower growing wild and free
All I’d want is you to be my sweet honey bee.
And if I was a tree growing tall and green
All I’d want is you to shade me and be my leaves

All I want is you, will you be my bride
Take me by the hand and stand by my side
All I want is you, will you stay with me?
Hold me in your arms and sway me like the sea.

If you were a river in the mountains tall,
The rumble of your water would be my call.
If you were the winter, I know I’d be the snow
Just as long as you were with me, when the cold winds blow.

All I want is you, will you be my bride
Take me by the hand and stand by my side
All I want is you, will you stay with me?
Hold me in your arms and sway me like the sea.

If you were a wink, I’d be a nod
If you were a seed, well I’d be a pod.
If you were the floor, I’d wanna be the rug
And if you were a kiss, I know I’d be a hug

All I want is you, will you be my bride
Take me by the hand and stand by my side
All I want is you, will you stay with me?
Hold me in your arms and sway me like the sea.

If you were the wood, I’d be the fire.
If you were the love, I’d be the desire.
If you were a castle, I’d be your moat,
And if you were an ocean, I’d learn to float.

All I want is you, will you be my bride
Take me by the hand and stand by my side
All I want is you, will you stay with me?
Hold me in your arms and sway me like the sea.

8 thoughts on “良配

  1. 這首Carpenters的《Love Me For What I Am》,絕對是那被視為100%完美的人的心聲:

    We fell in love
    On the first night that we met
    Together
    We’ve been happy
    I have very few regrets

    The ordinary problems
    Have not been hard to face
    But lately little changes
    Have been slowly taking place

    You’re always finding something
    Is wrong in what I do
    But you can’t rearrange my life
    Because it pleases you

    (*) You’ve got to love me
    For what I am
    For simply being me
    Don’t love me
    For what you intend
    Or hope that I will be

    And if you’re only using me
    To feed your fantasy
    You’re really not in love
    So let me go
    I must be free

    If what you want
    Isn’t natural for me
    I won’t pretend to keep you
    What I am I have to be

    The picture of perfection
    Is only on your mind
    For all your expectations
    Love can never be designed

    We either take each other
    For everything we are
    Or leave the life
    We’ve made behind
    And make another start

    Repeat (*)

    And if you’re only using me
    To feed your fantasy
    You’re really not in love
    So let me go
    I must be free

    You’re really not in love
    So let me go
    I must be free

  2. 那不會放棄的,是「自在」吧(my own being)

    她雖是完美,但跟她一起時我的生命全繫於她,雖是樂翻天了,但意識著了相,自我淪陷,而對她的愛之渴求卻越來越深。我的生命「物化」了,不再「活」了。這有點像賽斯在《個人》中說以藥物達到天人合一的境況…

    經此兩役,才發現自由、自然(自己本然)與自在(自己存在)才是本性終極所不會放棄的。

    • for me, 合一不會失去自己… 問題是… “對她的愛之渴求卻越來越深"… why??

      如果你真的能"繫於她", 自在is there. u dont focus on losing or owing… because this is connected.

      but, i can understand, how important to hv harmony in relationship… god transforming different gals in a man whole life… to let him realize “love".

      hoishing, thx for sharing.

      • “「自在」(my own being)"

        今天看到這個, 我想再寫…

        「自在」是源於"我"不在抓著"我執"… not attach to any particular reality…
        但我依然"在", be ur own being, 充滿去展現自己的熱情與慾望.

        “對她的愛之渴求卻越來越深” <<< 你不是愛她, 你其實只渴求她愛你.

        "100% 符合完美的女孩" <<< u attach to in love with "a concept".. not a real person as she is. labeling her is 100% 符合完美的女孩. (依然存在在腦海中的她, 已經不是"真的"她.)

        "雖是樂翻天了,但意識著了相,自我淪陷" <<< u r ignoring urself "完全進入了忘我境界"… the problem is why she make u so easy to ignoring urself?? because u using her to feed ur 理想 and fantasy.

        woman is not the point… ur labeling條件 is the point.
        u r loving her is not causing trouble, u expecting her love u back is the problem.
        it is not "she" made u to ignore urself, it is only u ignore to recognize urself… and project on her.

        until u really "locate" what u r… and love urself, "she" will there to be with u.

        but, “那些是不會放棄的” …. i still wish to know…

        • indeed, 「不自在」是因為那個「無矯飾的自己不在那裡」。

          Harriet, thanks for your provided insight, couldn’t agree more!

  3. 十多年前,我試過跟那種 100% 符合的女孩在一起,然而,我最後的選擇還是主動放棄,因實在是太累了,她每件大小事情我都無限在意,而期望也是超高的。這關係跟本走不下去…

    分手後我差不多每天也想著她,然而她在我心中的完美使我沒有勇氣再找她了,心想:如果上天給我機會再遇一次這樣完美的女神,我必定會好好處理,不會再離開她了。

    五年後,機會真的來了,我遇上了一個 95% 符合的,我高興極了,而我們亦一拍即合。不過,跟上次一樣,最後我還是主動放棄…

    跟完美的女人在一起,有點像吸毒似的,完全進入了忘我境界,不能自拔。跟本生活不了。

    雖然,那完美的感覺在十多年後也沒有減退過… 我間中也在心裡回味一番,但我知道,就算那 100% 符合的再出現一次,我也是會放棄的。而我亦體會到,只要我想,那機會還是會再出現的。因只要我的「識」還在,「相」還是會以不同形式展現眼前。

    而就在放棄那完美的同時,我看到了那些是不會放棄的。

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